29 Months, Believe It or Not

It's been a while since you've heard from us, almost 7 months in fact. We've decided to try something new and post at least an update each month, if not more. So here goes...

As of this weekend we've been waiting 29 months to adopt. It was a pretty tough summer for us. Some of you may know that back in June, we matched with a potential birthmother (let’s call her M). After more than 2 years, it felt like we were finally coming to the end of our wait and the beginning of our life as parents. After 6 weeks filled with both the joy of matching and some pre-parenthood jitters, we suddenly learned that M changed her mind and had decided to parent, and that we were no longer matched.

 

We always wanted the best for everybody involved, and we absolutely and totally respect M’s decision. But knowing that she had made what for her was the best choice, didn’t make it any easier for us to face the fact that we were not going to be parents after all. We both felt a lot of disappointment, some frustration with the system, and even a bit of anger. The unmatching really took the wind out of our sails. Before we matched with M, we had worked very hard to get the word out about our adoption plans to as many people as possible and stay positive along the way. We struggled to sustain the pace of our efforts and keep our spirits up even before we matched. Matching was a blessing in so many ways, including that we finally had a break from all our efforts. When our match ended, we had a terribly difficult time bringing ourselves back to the workbench. The events of June and July had been so emotionally overwhelming that it took everything we had just to keep going. That said, we know that if we are going to be parents, it’s going to be a result of our own hard work and emotional investment.

 

So in September, we have begun to get back into the swing of things again. Friends and long-time followers of this blog and our Facebook page know that September is when we go on the Bead Shop Hop. We did it again this year, following a new route, trying some new strategies, and having a genuinely good time. We have some photos over on Facebook, and you can read about our adventures in 2012 and 2011.

 

We wrapped up this year’s hop with a trip to Disneyland on Friday the 13^th, just in time to see the unveiling of the Haunted Mansion’s Nightmare Before Christmas decorations. It was crowded and chaotic, but fun too.

 

We have seen some things end recently, but with endings come beginnings. Fall is here, bringing cooler weather and lots of opportunities for fun. Maybe we’ll have a treat for Halloween, and someone to give thanks for this Thanksgiving.  We’ll see, and we’ll keep you posted here. In the meantime, thanks always for reading our posts and your support. 

Where's Susan & Mitch?

Not a groundhog, but we saw prairie dogs at the LA Zoo. This one even saw his shadow!

We're still here, just not blogging as much as we'd like! While February is only a few days shorter than the other months, it sure seemed to go by quickly. And went by without any posts from us until today. Somehow we've gotten out of the habit of blogging regularly and we'll be working on that in March. 

Here's a quick update with what we've been up to.  It took us a while to get back up to speed after a tough January, and we’ve been extra busy working on the adoption letter rewrite and taking a few new photos for it. Maybe that’s why the month just flew by.

That’s not to say that we haven’t had some fun, too. Early in the month we went to the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena to see the Van Gogh self-portrait that was on loan from another museum. We also had a fun trip to see the tigers and prairie dogs (among others) at the LA Zoo with our cousin Beth and her son Jake. Then, we capped off the last weekend of February with an impromptu visit to Disneyland with some friends.

We have more to do, but we'll keep you posted as we do new things and have new adventures. See you in March!

January's Quiet Chaos

A bit of wintry landscape in Montague, Massachusetts

We didn’t intend for so much time to pass before we posted here again, but January has been a tough month for us.

We knew there was going to be one big project this month; we are redesigning the letter about us that our agency shows to women who are considering placing a child for adoption. We’ve had the same one in play since we went live almost 2 years ago, and this was an opportunity to refresh the text, the photos, and the layout to better reflect who we are and what we are like. Obviously, this would take lots of time and effort to get just right, but with so much riding on it, we knew it would be worth it.

Susan took the lead in laying out the pages. We both looked at photos and went over the text, making changes where we found better ways of saying things. We submitted drafts of the letter to the staff at the agency, and Susan had a Skype conference with an advisor at America Adopts who had looked over the latest draft of the letter and had some suggestions.

Then, while all this was going on, we got a phone call. It was from our coordinator at our agency. There was a young woman a few hours from where we live who had just given birth to a little boy. She intended to place her child for adoption, but had not made an adoption plan or matched with anyone yet. Our coordinator wanted to know if we would we be interested in having our information shared with this young woman. Of course we said yes. The initial call came on a Saturday evening. The decision would be made, and the child placed in the arms of his adoptive parents, the next day, Sunday.

We spent that night hoping we would be chosen (there were several other couples who were also being shown to this young woman) and nervous that we would be. There was a chance that we would wake up as waiting prospective parents and go to bed as the parents of a little boy. We were told that we would get a call either way in the late morning or early afternoon.

Susan had a bead class that day, and Mitch had the day off. The call came at noon, to Susan’s cell phone. The birthmother had chosen another couple who lived closed to her. We would have to continue to wait for a match.

At almost the same time, a call came in to the house phone. Mitch answered, thinking it was the agency. Instead, it was his mom in Massachusetts. His grandmother had fallen ill, and had been admitted to the hospital. Her condition was serious, but no one knew what was going to happen. She could recover, as she had before, or she might not.

That was a very tough week to get through. We were not bringing home a child, as we hoped we would, and a beloved member of our family was in the hospital. We talked about what we were feeling and comforted each other.

We continued to work on the adoption letter that week while we waited for updates from Massachusetts. Some days Mitch’s grandma seemed to rally. Other days, she didn’t. We hoped for the best, even as two of Mitch’s aunts traveled to be with his mom at the hospital and to spend time with their mother.

The following Saturday morning, a week after we learned that we hadn’t been picked to be the adoptive parents of that little boy, we got a call from Mitch’s mom. His grandmother had passed away in the hospital the night before.  Susan immediately started making travel arrangements, booking flights, a rental car, and a hotel. We flew on a red-eye from Los Angeles to Hartford by way of Chicago that Tuesday night.

The wake was on Wednesday. It was hard for both of us. We loved Gram so much, and we took comfort in knowing that she loved us too. Other relatives flew and drove in for the wake, and we met many of the people Gram had known and made a positive impact on. She was surrounded by beautiful flowers, and she looked like she was at peace.

The funeral was on Thursday. It was a beautiful service, conducted by a new, young priest who had just come to know Gram and a seasoned priest who had known her for over 50 years. He delivered a wonderful, moving eulogy as we said our goodbyes.

We spent the next couple of days in Massachusetts visiting some of the places Mitch and Gram had enjoyed when he was growing up. We were able to create some nice memories to take with us, and to relive some of the good times we both remembered.

And so here we are, at the end of a busy, difficult January. We’re still working on the letter rewrite, although we hope to have that finished, approved and printed before too long. We’re saddened by the passing of Mitch’s grandmother, but we’re usually able to think of the happy times instead of the sad ones. We wish we could have adopted by now so that Gram was here to meet our little one. Gram's heart was full of love and we know she would have been delighted to welcome a new baby into the family. 

We’re trying to stay positive that we will be chosen to be parents soon. Even in the worst of times, there is a little glimmer of hope that keeps us going. We're looking forward to starting a new month tomorrow. May it bring some new opportunities!

We're ready for a new year!

It’s hard to believe we’ve come to the end of another year already. It seems like just yesterday that were on the Bead Shop Hop, just last week that we were having a great time at the OC Fair, and just last month that we were starting this very blog. 

This year has been one of grand adventures and small moments of happiness for us. We’ve had great times with friends and family, celebrating birthdays and holidays. We’ve been on trips long and short. We’ve seen the mountains, the beach, and the desert. Through it all, though, there has been one common thread.

When we learned to install a car seat, when we spent time at the zoo, when we posed for photos with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, we wished we were doing all those things as parents. When we learned about children’s books and remembered our many favorites from when we were children, we longed to read to our to our own child. When we decorated our Christmas tree, we wondered how many more Christmases it would be before we see our child’s face light up with wonder.

We did a lot in 2012 with the goal of making our adoption plans a reality. Everything from creating our website and starting this blog, placing online ads, and expanding our social media presence on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest was part of that. We joined new communities online and Susan’s interview in November with Melinda, another adoption blogger, was part of that. Those of you on our Christmas card list got a few of our contact cards and a holiday letter along with the season’s greetings. We did all this because we want to send next year's Christmas cards as a family of three, instead of just the two of us.

The year that’s ending has been a hard one for us, as our wait has stretched out longer than we thought possible. Many of the people who read this blog or follow us on Facebook have helped us through tough times this year. The kind words we’ve received from many of you have made the process a little more tolerable, and we thank you for that.

2012 did have its charms, but we're ready to leave it behind. We hope that 2013 will bring us the baby boy or girl we've been waiting for. And we wish you a Happy New Year!  May 2013 bring you closer to your dreams and be filled with much love, happiness, and joy!

P.S. Let’s all hope that this is the last time we have to wish you a happy new year from just the two of us.

Mitch's Christmas Wish

Mitch reviewing the ornaments before we decorate our Christmas tree.

We’re going to do something a little different with this blog post. Normally, our posts are from both of us, and are written in a shared voice. This post, however, is coming just from Mitch. It’s a look at what Christmas means to a prospective adoptive father, and it is written from Mitch’s point of view.

I like Christmas. I like the lights and decorations. I like the holiday spirit in the air. I even like fruitcake! Christmas is a time to celebrate with family and friends, and to share with the people we love. I’m a very lucky guy: I have my wonderful wife Susan and friends and family near and far. But Christmas is, more than any other time of year, a holiday made for children. We adults trade gifts and listen to Christmas songs, but Santa and Rudolph and presents under the tree are there for the junior set.

We’ve been trying to adopt for almost two years. This is the second Christmas we’ve spent hoping we would be able to hang a “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament on the tree, the second Christmas we wanted to be able to put a tiny stocking up for our little one. While part of the spirit of the season is to share love with the ones we have, it’s hard not to dwell on the member of the family we’ve been waiting to join us for so long.

I don’t want this to sound too sad. I am happy and grateful to have the many people whom we love and who love us. But I want to dress up as Santa. I want to make Popsicle stick and glitter ornaments at craft time with our little one. I want to watch Rudolph and Charlie Brown with our beloved child. I want to be a dad.

That’s really all I want this Christmas, and all the other days of the year. I want to be a father. I want to be a force of good for a child. I want to make a little person feel safe and loved. I want to help a young mind to develop, and a young spirit to love. I want to share what I know, and learn more myself. That’s my Christmas wish.

These are a few of our favorite things...

One of the things we like most about Christmas is decorating our tree with the many ornaments we've collected over the years. We enjoy going through our little collection as we get ready to decorate and love remembering details about each ornament. This year we decided to consider which ornaments are the most special to us and share our favorite ten. 

1. 2007 picture frame:  Ornaments dated with the year are always good for memories. This picture frame ornament was given to us by our dear friend M a few weeks after we got married in November 2007. It's a fun ornament and it is a great way to add a memory of that special day to our Christmas tree.  

2. Crochet covered ornament: Handmade ornaments are also among our favorites. This ornament is one of a set of four that our dear friend M gave us. We love them because they're beautiful and she made them.  

3. 2002 zoo ornament: The San Diego Zoo is one of our favorite places to go and this tiger ornament is dated with the year we first started going to the zoo together. It reminds us of all the good times we've had there and the fun times we hope to have with our child someday, hopefully soon.

4. Snoopy & Woodstock: Snoopy is one of our favorite characters and course he's got to have a place on our tree.

5.  Felted bunny: Many of the ornaments on our tree are animals because we like them so much. This bunny is very sweet and cozy. We couldn't resist when we saw her in the store a couple of years ago. She'll always a special place on our tree. 

6. Sleepytime bear: Susan's mom was the original inspiration for collecting special ornaments. When Susan was growing up her mom bought an angel ornament each year for the family tree. Then when Susan was older, she and her mom would also select a bear ornament. When Susan got married, the bears came with her and now decorate our tree. We want to share the same tradition of adding a special ornament each year for our child and wonder what type he or she will want to collect.

7. Fiesta ornament: We love Fiesta ware and began a collection when we got married. Last year we couldn't resist adding this fun ornament in the 75th Anniversary Fiesta color, marigold.

8. Fox: Animal ornaments are always a big temptation when we are shopping. We've have a number of them in our collection and this fox is one we like most.

9.  Pair of hedgehogs: More animals. These hedgehogs were too cute to buy just one, so we bought a pair and we always hang them together. 

10. Beaded snowflake: Susan made this ornament and combined two things she loves, snowflakes and beads. It catches the light and sparkles on our tree.

Of course we keep adding new favorites to our collection. This year we found a Big Ben ornament to remind us of the great times we've had with friends in London. And we found a few ornaments to celebrate our new annual passes to Disneyland including our first dinosaur ornament, Rex from Toy Story.

We have to admit that we have mixed feelings this year about Christmas. We appreciate the joy and beauty of the season, but it's hard not to feel some sadness too. We were sure we'd be celebrating the holidays as a family of three. It is being a bit tough this year, but fortunately rituals such as going through our ornaments and decorating for Christmas help keep us focused on all the love and good things we have in our lives. Hopefully 2013 will be our year for a "baby's first Christmas" ornament, which of course will become our most favorite of all. 

Halfway done with the cross-stitch, but what about our wait?

As far as our adoption journey goes, it's been more than 19 months so we hope we're much more than halfway there. But of course as we've mentioned several times on this blog, it's unclear how long our wait to adopt to will be and therefore it's impossible to know how far along we are. Everything could happen suddenly so it might turn out we're 99.9% there, or it could be another 19 months. Who knows!

Progress as of 12/9/12. The project is definitely getting there!

However, we can easily determine the progress Susan is making on the cross-stitch project. As we discussed in the "A journey of a 1,000 miles..." post when Susan began, clear indications of progress are easy to see as she stitches and now it is clear that she's about halfway done. 5 of 10 blocks are nearly completed and just waiting for the final touches of outlining and French knots. It's being tough to wait as long as we have, so it's reassuring to see the blocks fall into place as each gets finished. 

The 5th block with the giraffe seemed to take much longer than we thought. When we last posted on the progress of the project at the end of October, it seemed like that block would be done soon enough. November wound up being a lot busier than we planned and the 5th block seemed especially challenging. It might just be the hardest block of all. We had actually hoped to post with progress when Susan finished it several days ago, but internet problems kept us from posting. It turned out the delay was an unexpected bonus for the project. Since we had no internet for a few days, Susan had extra time to cross-stitch and now the 6th block is well underway.

Aside from the cross-stitch, we're definitely ready to become parents and keep hoping that call is almost here. In the meantime Susan will keep stitching and we'll see how far she can get before our child arrives. And it's ok by us if she doesn't finish before that happens!

The 5th block is complete and now we've got a giraffe and the number 4.

The "D is for Duck" block is shaping up.
See the curve of the letter D and see the start of the ducks' feet?